Barlett's Alcohol-Related Quotations
I'd rather have a bottle
in front of me,
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.
It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember whether it's the 13th or 14th.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk, they are sober.
I feel sorry for people who dont drink. When they wake up in the morning, thats as good as theyre going to feel all day.
Twenty-four hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
A. E. Housman
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake ... which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but, at the very least, you need a beer.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Sir, you're drunk!
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
"Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
I drink to make other people interesting.
George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
So little time, so many different kinds of beer.
I'm not so think as you drunk I am!
God invented beer so ugly people could get laid.
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